Ron and His Homework
by Ollec
Summary: Don't ask....just read.


Ron and His Homework

Disclaimer: I have no clue what I was thinking when I wrote this story, but the characters you recognize are not mine, my own, or my precious.

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"That bloody git! Giving us loads of homework during our Christmas break!. The nerve of him!" Ron's voice was heard throughout the castle.

"Relax Ron." Hermione scolded, "It's not like you do it properly anyway. You always wait until the last minute and then come to me for help."

"I'll show you!!" Ron yelled back. "This time, I'll do my own homework in a well, orderly fashion." A nearby statue's head popped off. Hermione looked dumbstruck. Ron stormed off.

"It's going to be one of those days." Harry said to Hermione.

"Yeah...one of those days." Hermione agreed.

Little did they know that that was only the beginning.

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Harry and Hermione didn't see Ron for the rest of the day. They sat across from each other in the Great Hall during dinner.

"Have you seen Ron lately?" Harry asked. "I haven't seen him all day."

"Nope. He's disappeared ever since he declared that he would do his own homework." A Gryffindor table leg broke, sending all the plates crashing to the floor.

Harry looked at Hermione. "Creepy?" he asked.

"Creepy." she agreed.

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Ron woke up the next morning, late, as usual. He smiled to himself and grabbed a huge roll of parchment and headed to the common room. He saw Harry and Hermione working diligently on their homework. He walked up to them, sat next to Harry on the sofa and placed the roll of parchment on the table in front of them. Hermione's eyes grew wide.

"Is that what I think it is?" she asked with astonishment.

"I am one punctuation mark away from completing all my homework." Ron mused. He dipped his quill into the inkbottle. His hand slowly approached the parchment. He placed the tip of the quill on the parchment.

"Volia! Je suis fini!"

"Did you just say 'I have finished" in French?" Hermione asked. "Since when do you know French?"

"I don't know French." Ron answered.

"Creepy." Harry quipped.

All of a sudden, there were numerous pops and a bunch of Death Eaters and Voldemort appeared out of no where. They all looked confused.

"WHAT!?!? You can't apparate into this castle!!!" Hermione wailed.

"I know. We've been trying for years now. We just tried again this morning and here we are."

"Creepy?" Harry offered.

"Creepy." Voldemort agreed. He looks up at Harry with a realization on his face. "I finally have you right in front of me as helpless as ever." He raised his wand. Harry, Ron, and Hermione cowered. The wand broke into two.

Voldemort looked at it stupidly. "Very well then…a wizard as high and mighty as myself has no use of one. Prepare to die!" He raised his hand. Harry, Ron, and Hermione cowered once more. Voldemort's hand broke off too.

All the Death Eaters raised their wands, which hexed their owners into doing the polka. Just then, Dumbledore bursts in with McGonagall and Snape.

"Creepy?" McGonagall whispered.

"Creepy." Snape muttered back.

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Dumbledore, McGonagall, Snape, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all gathered in Dumbledore's office. Voldemort was put in a soundproof, magic-proof, bulletproof, karate-proof box.

"I'd like you three to tell me what just happened in the Gryffindor common room." Dumbledore said softly.

"We have no idea, sir." Harry piped up.

"We were just doing homework and all of a sudden the Dark Lord showed up with his Death Eaters." Ron quipped.

"You can't apparate into this castle. How could they have gotten in?" Dumbledore questioned.

"I know you can't apparate into or out of this castle, sir, but I'm sure that's what they did." Hermione answered.

"Did anything unusual happen before this incident?"

"The most unusual thing that I can think of is that Ron finished his homework in a well, orderly fashion." Harry said. One of the trinkets on Dumbledore's desk disintegrated.

Dumbledore's eyes grew wide, McGonagall had to sit down and catch her breath, and Snape's jaw fell open. They huddled in a corner and discussed the issue.

Dumbledore turned to the three students. "I'm afraid that Ron has created an unbalance in the entropy of the universe." Noticing the questioning looks, he continued, "Everything in the universe is striving toward more entropy. Entropy is, by definition, the disorderly fashion of the universe. Everything that occurs increases the entropy. But Ron here, by doing his homework in a well, orderly fashion, Ron has forced the universe into less entropy. I'm afraid there is nothing we can do but be cautious and go on with the day as if it was normal."

"Isn't it impossible to lower entropy?" Hermione asked.

"Apparently not Miss. Granger, apparently not." Dumbledore replied.

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Their first class was Potions.

"Why do we always have Potions first?" Ron complained.

"Because the people who dictate our lives want us to." Hermione answered crossly

"That sucks."

They arrive at the dungeons, enter the classroom, and take their seats.

"Hey look! It's those snot-nosed, yellow-belied, monkey wrenching, sniveling Gryffindors." Draco called out.

"Is that the best you could come up with Malfoy?" Harry asked.

"No…but little children might be reading this." Draco muttered.

"Oh…right…so I should be taken aback by that?"

"I guess."

"Oh…um…Malfoy!! You twit!! Never again shall you call me such names. Fight me to protect your family's honor!!"

"Ooo…nice." Malfoy whispered to Harry.

"Thanks. But it's your line" Harry whispered back.

"Oh…right…um…Yeah! Well take this!"

Draco muttered some spell. A random ostrich appeared which caused some unimportant girl to faint due to her ostrich allergies.

"That was random," Hermione said.

"Creepy?" Ron offered.

"Creepy." Hermione agreed.

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Snape glided into the room. He ran into his own desk.

"1,000,000,000,000 points from Gryffindor!" he bellowed.

The Gryffindors kept quiet knowing that more points would be taken away from them if they spoke. Besides, Snape put them to work right away.

"My life is so overrated." Harry mumbled.

Everyone began working and soon, boiling cauldrons could be seen around the dungeon. All at once, they disappeared. The contents of cauldrons spilt and were mixing together.

"Stay back everyone," Hermione warned, looking up from her book. "This stuff could be dangerous."

Neville, being his danger-prone self, jumps into the liquid and proceeds to attempt to swim in it. He is turned into a turnip.

"Ahhhhh!!! Turnips!!!" everyone but Hermione screamed in unison.

Suddenly all these green-colored, big-eared, pink-legged, orange-faced, constipated wiener dogs appeared.

"Whoa! Green-colored, big-eared, pink-legged, orange-faced, constipated wiener dogs!!!" Harry said.

"Hello humans. We have come to take over your bodies by stuffing mind-controlling devices in you and bring you to Mars to be our slaves."

There was silence in the dungeon. The random girl with the ostrich allergies sneezed. An alien shot her. She melted.

"Oh shove off." Hermione muttered as she waved her wand, still concentrating on her book.

The green-colored, big-eared, pink-legged, orange-faced, constipated wiener dogs turned into turnips.

"Ahhhhh!!! Turnips!!!" everyone but Hermione screamed as they ran away.

"Creepy?" Hermione asked.

"Creepy." Snape nodded.

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Herbology was next.

"Today, we will be fiddling with…Turnips!!!" Professor Sprout said.

"Ahhhhh!!! Turnips!!!" everyone but Hermione screamed in unison. They all turned around and ran into a wall.

"Class dismissed for today!!!" came Professor Sprout's voice from the distance.

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"Ron…you not doing your homework must have been huge," Hermione quipped, "because this randomness has been going for a long time."

"Hey", Harry said, "at least it's a story for the grandkids!"

"Harry…" Ron mumbled, "you have like 3,000 stories to tell your grandkids!"

"Well…it's one more to add to the list."

"Besides…what class do we have next?"

"Actually, we have nothing for the rest of the day." Hermione mumbled glancing at her schedule.

"Why's that?" Ron asked.

"It's because giant cockroaches ate the rest of the classrooms."

So Harry, Ron, and Hermione go up to the Gryffindor common room.

"Let's play some wizarding chess Harry!" Ron quipped pulling out a chessboard.

"All right." Harry said and took his place. The game went on for about an hour. Just as Ron was about to checkmate Harry, a huge knight piece crashes through the wall.

"Um….isn't that one of those giant chess pieces from the traps that used to guard the Sorcerer's Stone?" Harry asked?

"Hold on a sec….this looks exactly like the one I was on…" Ron said. A look of panic blipped across his face.

"THOU HAST HAD ME SLAIN IN THY TIME OF NEED," the giant chess piece bellowed, "I HAVE COME TO SATISFY MY REVENGE!" With that, the giant chess piece started jumping up and down all over the place trying to crush Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"Stupefy!" all three of them yell, pointing their wands.

"FOOLS! STUPEFY MAY STOP EVERYTHING ELSE IN EXISTENCE, BUT IT SHALL NOT HINDER ME!"

"If it wasn't for the little children that might be reading this, I'd have a few things to say right about now." Ron murmured.

And so the night was spent running away from a crazed chess piece.

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The next morning, Dumbledore opened his broom closet to find Harry, Ron, and Hermione cowering in fear.

"Now what do we have here?" Dumbledore asked. The trio said nothing, still looking around in a paranoid kind of way.

"Would you like to tell me what happened?" he asked.

"Giant chess piece…" Ron stuttered.

"Out to kill us…" Hermione stammered.

"Oh that little thing?" Dumbledore said, "It was taken care of quite a few hours ago."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione stared up at Dumbledore with astonishment.

"How'd you get rid of it?" Harry asked.

"It just disappeared at the stroke of midnight."

"Why?" Hermione whispered.

"I believe the universe has had enough randomness to get itself back on track. Therefore, I now forbid you to do your homework in a well, orderly fashion ever again, Mr. Weasley."

"Yes sir." Ron said happily.

And the rest of the year passed happily.

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A/N: Pure randomness is needed sometimes. It ended a little too suddenly, but if I didn't it could've gone on forever. But either way, I hope you enjoyed it.

Ollec


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